I've always been the one to be there for other people in times of need. A shoulder to cry on. An ear to listen. Words of advice. Hugs given when needed. It's just in my nature to care for others. Day in and day out, I talk to people who call 911, frantic because a loved one is unresponsive. Devastated because they were just beat by someone who claims to love them. Dying inside, wanting to end their lives. Day in and day out, I assure strangers that everything will be okay.
I've always been told that I have a big heart. Lately, it seems like it's not big enough... or rather, too big and full of empty space. You see, on top of all of the giving, the listening, the reassuring at work... I am a friend, and my friends have basic needs as well. Friends not unlike the strangers I deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes, I feel like my work is never done.
But what happens when the person who constantly gives everything of herself to other people, needs someone to do the same for her? I feel like the past week of my life has been spent caring so much about other people that my own basic needs have been neglected. Meals missed. Sleep lost. Tears shed.
In the past week, I have attempted to open up to so many people. Family. Friends. Coworkers.
In the past week, I can count on one hand the number of those people who actually listened to me.
But the reality of life is this: it will keep going on with, or without you. You can't just sit by and let it go, hoping to catch up to it later. If you do, you'll be chasing dreams for the rest of your life. You'll be wondering where your time went, when you know all along you spent it juggling the baggage in an attempt to keep going... but being left behind anyway.
I can hear a symphony of sirens in the distance, as officers respond to a call. It reminds me that there are people who give as much of themselves as I give of me, and oftentimes more.
It reminds me to let it go, and move on.
Tomorrow is a new day.
