“No.” One word. One syllable. Two letters. Everything and nothing all at once. A word that gets ignored far too much.
The night it happened was nothing out of the ordinary. A typical night at my group’s typical bar. A particularly drunk man wouldn’t leave me alone, so you swooped in to save me. Be the hero. We had been friends for many years, so we all assumed it was out of friendship that you walked me away from the table with your arm around my shoulders. Like a protective older brother. We all assumed it was out of friendship that you kept an eye on me and hovered nearby any time I was left at the table with the stranger. We all assumed it was out of friendship when you jokingly picked me up as you were leaving, and threw me over your shoulder and walked off. We were all laughing. Good times. Until it wasn’t. It wasn’t funny anymore. It wasn’t comfortable anymore. It wasn’t out of friendship anymore.
You placed me in your vehicle and pushed me back as you leaned in on me and tried to kiss me. I pushed you away and told you “no,” but you laughed and pushed me back again while rubbing my inner thigh and trying to unbutton my jeans. That’s when I pushed back. Flashbacks of the last time I said “no,” and it didn’t stop bombarded me from every angle. That’s where I found the strength to push past you and out of the vehicle. I reminded you I had a boyfriend and you said that didn’t matter to you. But it mattered to me, and I’m sure it would matter to your girlfriend.
My head spun for days. I couldn’t believe what had happened, or what could have happened. I remember wondering what kind of father you are to your your little girl, setting the example that it is perfectly okay to behave like you had. She will grow up with you as her guide of how to be treated by a man. I hope you teach her that it is never okay for someone to try to force themselves on her. That it is NEVER her fault if it happens. Because after all, I am some man’s daughter, many years older than yours, who had a man not listen to the “no.” And just like it was not my fault, it would never be hers if she finds herself in a similar situation.
I hope she finds her strength to stand up against any man who tries. I hope you teach her better than you act. But most of all, I hope she never gets to say, “me too.”
